Quit Body Shaming Yourself

Hey, everyone!  This week’s blog is going to get a little personal.  I have wanted to write about body image for a while now, as it is such an issue in today’s world.  This is especially tough for me, as I have struggled with body image my whole life, and continue to struggle with it now.  Today, I am going to share my journey with you, in hopes of inspiring someone with the same insecurities as me that it is ok—and that we should love ourselves.  If we cannot truly love our bodies, then we do not fully love ourselves.

            This is my transformation.  Those of you who know me and have seen me grow up, you may think, “you were young then, it does not matter”, however that is when it matters most.  Even though I was only maybe 15 years old in the first picture, I was still overweight for my age and not practicing a healthy lifestyle.

            Just this quarter, one of my biggest insecurities blossomed again.  I have done such a good job the past five years controlling that insecurity, but then I began exercise physiology class. 

            Ok, just a background on me.  I absolutely love exercising—I love anything from swimming, running, dancing to weight lifting and body weight exercises.  I am a runner, to which I have completed 2 half marathons and numerous 5K’s and 8K’s.  However, six or so years ago, I was quite a bit heavier. 

            During that time I felt poorly about myself.  It was not until I began attending Zumba fitness classes that I began exercising regularly—and regularly at that time was 2-3 times per week.  I always tried to eat healthfully—mainly because I had amazing parents who exposed me to vegetables at every meal, fruits for snacks, and whole grains.  Despite that, I was still overweight, and that was because I was sedentary.  Once I started doing Zumba, I felt better about myself, and I was a lot happier.  Zumba became my gateway to fitness, and when I turned 16, I started instructing my own dance fitness classes. 

             By the time I moved to Collegedale, TN to begin my first year at Southern Adventist University, I was regularly exercising doing more than Zumba.  I was attending spin classes, Pilates, and running.  I tried to keep my fitness regimen up even though I was not instructing anymore.   In my second year at SAU, I taught a cardio class and strength class to continue my love for showing people that exercise can be fun.  I had a great following, and it inspired me as an instructor to come up with new material.

            So, it seems like I had it made, right?  I was teaching fitness classes, enjoying time with my friends, passing all my classes—but I still struggled with my body.  However, it was not because I was upset with my body…it is because of the negativity I received from my shape.   One day, this girl asked if she could borrow some of my clothing for a date she was going on.  I was flattered—she must like my sense of style.  She comes to my dorm room, and we went through some clothes.  We found a top she likes, but it went best with colored pants.  She did not have any colored pants, and you know I did! She proceeded to ask me what size I wear, and I told her…"I am a size 4."

            In the most horrified, shocked, confused tone of voice she responds “You’re a size 4!?” It was a complete shock to her.  I then said “Well, I have size 6 too?”  She kind of apologized and said “Well, I mean. I just thought you were bigger than that.  I can’t believe you wear size 4!”  Bare in mind, my other 2 friends were in there with us.  It was all they could do to keep their mouths shut.

            Fast-forward two years, and here I am—a 21-year-old Nutrition & Dietetic student whose ultimate goal is to help others achieve their dreams of becoming healthier people.  I want to inspire others to live better, and I truly believe that can only be accomplished through healthful nutrition, regular exercise, and active spirituality.  Despite my dream, I have had a lot of discouragement, especially when I started my nutrition program.  It was a constant battle between “oh no, I am going to fail this course, and if I do I am going to get kicked out of the program”.  However, since my exercise physiology class, I am in a different state.  I am in the state of “Oh no, my anthropometrics numbers are not within normal limits.  My body fat percentage is too high.  I am fat.” 

            How can this be?  I have had such an amazing fitness and wellness journey and am comfortable with the size I am. How could I feel so crummy about myself?  So what if I am 156 pounds and have a body fat percentage that is "high"?  I exercise 6 days a week, I run at least 10 miles a week, and I eat a well-balanced healthful diet.  Why can such stupid numbers affect me so much?  Why do I get so down on myself when people are praising others because they are so fit?  I should not be upset that tiny cute women get praised for having strong triceps.  I should be happy for them, but it is so hard to be when you are sitting in the corner thinking about how much time and dedication you put into your workouts and lifestyle and no one notices.  They notice my short, stocky legs.  They notice my muffin tops.  They notice my back fat. 

            What they do not see is that my legs are solid and strong.  My muffin tops are my hips that I am constantly working on doing all types of oblique exercises to tone them up.  My back fat is surrounding my ever so wide rib cage that I cannot control the size of.  They notice my downfalls, but they do not see how much I am putting into my work.

            Despite these past few difficult weeks and the repressions of my body image disorder, I am trying so hard to find a silver lining.  Then I realized something--the only true way for me to get a silver lining is through spirituality.  Remember when I said the three ways to truly live a better life were nutrition, exercise, and spirituality?  I was missing a key dimension in the plan.  Yes, I am an active Christian, but I was not looking to God for my body image issue.  I was looking at other people and comparing myself.  I was putting myself down and hurting me—that is it.  I was hurting me.  I was not hurting anyone else. 

           Ephesians 2:10 says “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”  You see, we are God’s “handiwork”—he created each and every one of us.  He loves us just the way we are.  Now, I do believe in 1 Corinthians 6:19 he says, “ Do you not know that your bodies are the temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?” By Him saying this, he wants us to take care of ourselves.  Remember the ways to take care of yourselves?  Nutrition, exercise, and spirituality.  That is the way. 

          So, there you have it.  I have been judged for the way I look.  But you know what?  It really does not matter what others think.  I am doing what I can to keep my body healthy, and most of all--happy.  It does not matter what size you are, the color of your hair, how fast you can run a mile--it is about how you see yourself.  Stop comparing yourself to others;  just focus on making YOURself the best YOU that you can be.  
          Love yourself—love your body.  Love what God has given you.  He created you the way He wants you with the ability and strength to achieve whatever you want, be it a half marathon runner or dance instructor.  If we were all the same, life would be boring.  When you can fully love who you are as a person then you can love others the way Christ intended us to.  There are so many other barriers we have blocking us from truly loving ourselves—this is just one of mine.  You can look to Christ for any of these barriers, and I encourage you to do that. 

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